


Business as Unusual

by ClownBoy



Category: Batman (1966), Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-07 23:43:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20984381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClownBoy/pseuds/ClownBoy
Summary: When several rogues come to assist Penguin with a strange task, a few of their secrets come to light.





	Business as Unusual

"Let's hit it! Hey, you put that voice on safety now, Dennis." 

"Couldn't even if I tried." 

Joker winked. 

"WHAT'S IN YOOURRR HEEEAAD!" The two screamed. Joker smacked his own noggin, "YOUR HEEEEEAD!" and gently tapped Solomon's. "ZOMBAY! ZO-OMBAY! ZOMBAY-AY! AY!" The writhing to the beat was quite a sight. 

Riddler strode past, arms full of boxes. "Could you two stop harassing Grundy, please?" 

"Oh, he doesn't mind, do ya, Grundle?" Joker held out a fist. 

Grundy bumped his fist into Joker's face. 

Joker gave a thumbs up. 

"You two gentlemen! Watching Edward was not on the list." 

"I was watching _Grundy_." 

"Regardless!" Penguin pointed at the pile of boxes. After rolling his eyes, Joker took to carrying slightly more boxes than Riddler. 

"I expected more help. Where's Harley Quinn?" 

"Well, I dunno." 

"Clayface said they'd be by," Meister shrugged. 

"These boxes come from a truck? You get guys to move them from the truck? And you couldn't get them to move them a couple feet to the back?" 

"I could NOT, Edward." 

"Fair enough." 

"No sign of Isley, either." Meister carefully stepped over Grundy's legs. 

"That might not be a coincidence. I know Crane is sleeping in." 

Riddler looked back at Joker. "How do you know?" 

"Because I watched him." 

Someone knocked on the tin door. 

Oswald pressed the lift button. 

The door slowly revealed heels... a pencil skirt... silver shades. No one immediately recognized them, which meant only one thing. 

"Carlo. Good to see you." 

They nodded. 

He pointed his cigarette holder at the boxes. 

"Lookin' good, Basil!" The clown bumped into Riddler. 

He straightened his hat. "Oswald? What's in these boxes anyhow?" 

His lips curled. Not a smile. "Merchandise." 

The door clambered open again. This time manually. "Sorry we're late, boys 'n dolls! Well... 'doll' okay with you?" 

Carlo shrugged. 

The two girls walked inside. 

Grundy sniffed a box. 

The noise of Harley pulling the door closed again was horrendous. 

"Leave it open, Harley. I'm planning on having some help." 

"No, no," he waddled forward. "I won't allow our security to be compromised." 

"Oh?" She stared, stray greenery beginning to creep in through the inch Harley graciously left open. 

Oswald stepped back. "...Very well, Dr. Isley." 

Basil worked quickly, as opposed to Riddler and Joker's pissing match. Solomon Grundys strength was being put to no use with Music Meister watching the idleness closely. Ivy's greenery managed to move the majority of the boxes in addition to tripping both Riddler and Joker. 

"IVY! YOUR CHILDREN!" 

"My apologies, Eddie. I wasn't aiming for _you_." 

Joker insisted on getting up on limb at a time. "Well, this is goon's work. Ozzie, there's no reason for _us_ to _be here_." 

Oswald sighed. "It appears the goons have... unionized." 

Harley had no problem dodging the vines. "Hey! Good for them!" 

"Truly! Truly. Not to be unsympathetic to your bourgeoisiean plight, Pengerz." He loaded another box and hi-fived Quinn. "Besides, what's better than this? Guys bein' dudes..." He held out his arms. 

"Gals bein' pals!" 

Shattering glass scattered from one of the boxes. They all looked to see Riddler fallen over Solomon's shoes. 

"Mazel tov!" 

Joker's laugh echoed off the walls. "Ozzie? You recruited your greatest minds and top billing to move kitchenware?" He picked up a shard and looked at it closely. "Not even real crystal!" 

"It's all a bit complicated." 

"I agree, Oswald." Ivy rested her chin on one hand. 

"You should have at LEAST ordered PIZZA as consolation." 

Meister pointed at Joker and nodded.

Harley stepped over the glass. "Hey, this looks like glasses from the lounge." 

"That they are, Dr. Quinn." 

The room went still. 

"Changing locations, is it? Woah, woah, Oz-" 

Harley and Riddler were quick to comfort the stout man as he put his head in his flippers. Music Meister's mouth hung open. 

"Talk to me, Oz." 

"Business is at a downturn, I'm-I'm afraid." 

Basil sighed and pulled out their phone. 

The vines retreated. "If there is anyway we can-" 

Oswald waddled away, pursued by nearly every party in the garage, even Solomon Grundy's heavy steps. Basil shook their head at the glass and walked to the door. They hit the button, waited for the door to open completely, and walked through as it slowly shut again. 

Joker inched forward. 

Riddler did his best to start gathering the glass. 

"_You left your towel at my place_." 

A few pieces dropped to the floor again. "... I have other towels." 

"Hmmm..." He scooted over the garbage can. "And now so do I." 

He chucked in the glass. 

Commotion re-entered. Joker took several steps back. 

"You're surrounded by crooks, Bird Man! We'll get you the money, don'tcha worry!" She had her arm around his shoulder. 

"I suppose you're right. Temporary troubles. I was quick to jump out of the nest. I-" 

**Ding.**

Oswald wiped his face. "That's mine." It took several pockets to find. One look at the sceen, and his monocle fell out. He put his phone back and straightened his tie. "It seems Carlo has made to us... a GENEROUS contribution." 

Harley threw her fists in the air. "Problem solved!" 

Riddler jumped up from the garbage can. "You sure you wanna owe Carlo a favor, Oswald?" 

"Bold of you. Assuming a profit won't be turned in a week to pay back that overgrown thespian." His snoot returned to the air. "Champagne anyone? I swear. I had a real bottle of champagne somewhere." 

"Real champagne? Pengerz, what's been in my glass, old boy?"

Harley laughed. 

Ivy rolled her eyes.


End file.
